Donald Trump, America's premiere vulgarian, and Washington's creepiest white politician, Newt Gingrich, have reserved adjoining rooms in Hell.
"Donald and I decided that once we finish our work for Satan in this world, we'd like to partner in the next," Gingrich told the press. "We share so much in common. We're incapable of being embarrassed. It's not just being publicity whores and off-putting, pedantic windbags and the authors of unread books. It's the total lack of morality that binds us. Serial killers look down on us. And between us we have about eight chins."
"Don't forget our failed marriages," Trump chimed in.
The jowly duo chuckled at that.
"Let me add that Newt and I were both voted Most-Awful Americans four years in a row," Trump noted. "The competition for that is fierce. We beat all the Real Housewives and every judge on American Idol."
Trump announced a branding deal with Satan that will change the name of Hell to Trump Hell. "I'm adding my name to eternity. It's the ultimate in licensing. Disney and Apple can't touch this."
Trump handed out gift bags containing Trump Chocolates, a Trump tie and Trump cuff links, and a bottle of Trump Ice. Then Gingrich and Trump left in a limo for a well-publicized double-date with Snooki and JWoww.
No comments:
Post a Comment