Mitt Romney admitted today that his grandson Mitch is clinically insane, or, as the GOP candidate put it bluntly, "just fuckin' nuts."
"He's nutty as a fruitcake and nobody likes fruitcake. It started years ago when he wore those paper crowns from Burger King. Lots of kids do, right? Only Mitch glued the crown to his hair and refused to take it off. We had his head shaved. He got another crown and glued that to his scalp. If they were out of crowns, he wore the box on his head. See what I'm saying? Nuts."
"I told my son Craig to fix it. Get his kid pumped full of Ritalin, Valium, anything. Christ, I'm planning a run at the White House. Craig followed orders, but Mitch is immune to meds. Lately he's been wearing cookware and telling us to call him King Pot On Head. Today, he stapled toast to his chest. Lock him up."
Romney said he's taking a page from the Kennedys who hid their mentally ill sister from the public.
"This kid's going bye bye for a long time."
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