In order to counter the impression that their candidate is an out-of-touch millionaire, the Romney campaign today unveiled Gettin' In Touch!, a 90-day crash program to acquaint Romney with the life experiences of poor slobs. The purpose is to give Mr. Romney his first exposure to what Americans without $250 million do every day.
Highlights of Gettin' In Touch! will include:
* Kill a roach
* Use coupons
* Learn to operate microwave
* Eat something cooked in microwave
* Meet a Jew
* Ride crowded bus to dead-end job
* Work in cramped, airless cubicle surrounded by cramped, airless cubicles
* Be kept up all night by car alarms, sirens, drunken neighbors, barking dog, the whore upstairs
* Meet a Puerto Rican (or make friends with someone named Jose)
* Wait on lines at post office, DMV, Rite Aid
* Scrimp to pay minimum on maxed-out credit card
* Buy a forty and loosies in a bodega
* Find enough quarters to do laundry
* Do laundry
* Make bed
* Peel own banana
* Dye own hair
The program features living for a week in apartments in the South Bronx, East St. Louis and Oakland. Visits to other shitholes will be added.
"I look forward to meeting the challenges of Gettin' In Touch!," Mr. Romney stated. "I want to acquire that common touch in the worst way. Ciao."
Mr. Romney then got into his limo which drove him to his helicopter, the one that takes him to his private jet, not the one he keeps just for fun.
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