America's most obnoxious, annoying hipsters plan to vote for President Obama without a trace of irony. You'll still want to smack them.
"I'm known for my irony," said Whole Foods organic produce buyer, Ruby Tula. "Friends treasure me for it. I'm giving irony a day off when I vote this year. It'll be cool, if not, in fact, meta."
Ronan X, her smug vegan boyfriend and performance artist, added, "Barack is tres Coachella, very Devendra, if you get what I mean. You probably don't. How could you?"
"I build my life around irony," explained Hugo Alcott while listening to Neil Diamond on vintage thrift shop vinyl. "From facial hair and tats to my trust fund, it's all-irony all the time. Dig? I'll be dressed ironically as a Sikh on Election Day, but my vote for Barack will be pure, like Pabst Blue Ribbon."
"I don't wear shoes," insisted Williamsburg gallerist Dashiell Hunter between sipping fair-trade Kenyan blend, texting, and blogging. "It's who I am. It's me, okay? It connects me to Gaia. I blog about not wearing shoes, write songs for my band about it. Uh, what was your question?"
"There is a temptation to vote ironically for Romney," noted Leopold Loeb. "You know, for shits and gigs. I could smirk knowingly for months. Tempting."
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