Tyrone Alston, a homeless man living at a Los Angeles bus stop, woke up today and announced he'd been tapped as Mitt Romney's vice-presidential running mate, beating out governors, senators, and Paul Ryan.
"Ryan is lyin'. Forget him and those other chumps. For real, it's me and Mitt," said Alston. "A balanced ticket. He lives in mansions. I live right here where the 780 stops. Forget the Electoral College. I almost went to barber college."
"My qualifications? Er, um, let me see. I have a lengthy, in-depth understanding of the criminal-justice system, both state and federal. I have personal contact with many officers of the law, as well as judges and those parole dudes."
"Mitt, I can help with those swing states 'cause I'm a swinger, baby. Believe that shit. Tyrone can party over here, party over there. Ladies love me. I'll win Florida, Nevada, New Jersey. Been homeless in all them."
Alston finished his announcement by singing "Ebony And Ivory" and forgetting most of the words.
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