World-famous astrologer and psychic Jackie Stallone has consulted the stars and learned that Mitt Romney will win the election in November.
"I'm 100% positive Mitt's the man," revealed the author of "Starpower," a detailed and authoritative guide to the zodiac. "I did Mitt's chart, and victory is in the stars. I back that up as Dean of the University of Astrology and as America's foremost rumpologist."
Dean Jackie added, "And stop saying I look like Carrot Top. It ain't funny."
When told Jackie Stallone is predicting his victory at the polls, Romney replied, "Who?"