Concerns about President Obama's mental stability deepened today as he told a campaign crowd that he enjoyed chatting with sheets, pancakes, and his shoelaces.
"I don't know about you," Obama said to voters in Florida, "but talking to sheets relaxes me. Whether I'm nodding off for the night, or just waking up, a quick heart-to-heart with my pillowcases, sheets and quilts puts me in good spirits. Some sheets are old friends. We've been together for years. Others, like in a hotel, are new acquaintances I'm excited to get to know. They have a lot to say."
"And don't think you ever eat alone. There may not be another human at the table, but your food can talk. Pancakes, in particular, are chatty fellows. Sausages, too. The toaster tells me everything."
"There's no such thing as inanimate objects. Everything's alive and can communicate. I learned this as a boy in Hawaii. Did you know pineapples can talk?"
Secret Service agents cut short the President's speech and hurried him into a waiting Escalade. Before the doors closed, he was heard to say:
"We all know the expression 'if these walls could talk'. Guess what? They can! Hi, Mister Car."
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