Michelle Obama Loves Luxury Lifestyle Paid For By Taxpayers; Wants More

First Lady Michelle Obama wants to continue her plush vacations, round-the-clock staff of servants, and glittering White House lifestyle.  She's lobbying for a four-year extension, all expenses paid.

Speaking from her heart and a teleprompter, Michelle read a speech that, like everything else, was prepared for her.

"I don't cook, clean, shop, make my bed, drive, or wash my own hair," she admitted.  "It's all done for me.  I don't even butter my toast.  Shit, that's a great deal.  I adore those trips to Spain, Aspen, Martha's Vineyard, and good old Hawaii.  They're even more fun when comped by you folks.  Air Force One is the only way to fly."

"More, more, more for me!"

"I will expect more parties during Barack's second term.  That would give Hollywood celebs the chance to worship at my Jimmy Choos.  I promise to wear even weirder outfits which the press will breathlessly deem chic.  There will be plenty of magazine covers, and  Barack promises more of his beloved Teachable Moments.  You're so lucky to have us."