"Sick Of The Lies," Ann Romney Files For Divorce

"I've had it," screamed Ann Romney at her husband.  "I'm done.  I want a divorce.  I know I agreed to stay until the election, but I can't.  Not another minute.  No more campaigning in America's crappiest towns, eating horrible 'local fare' while smiling.  No more being relatable.  I'm extremely wealthy and you're not.  Tough.  Where are my servants?"

"I've met someone else.  His name is Jose.  Yes, our gardener.  He understands me.  He sees me as a woman with needs, not a smiling prop for Mitt's ego trip.  I took off my sacred garments and burned them.  From now on, it's me, Jose, and my horse.  So long, suckers."