GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney sighed audibly last night when realizing his gourmet dinner would not begin with an amuse bouche.
"The waiter placed the warm beet salad with cave-aged blue cheese in front of me, and I must admit to a wisp of ennui," Romney recalled. "It meant there would be no little surprise from chef. No soupcon of vichyssoise. No beggar's purse of caviar. Not one dab of creme fraiche. We are not amused."
"I was looking forward to a liitle pampering. After all the greasy corn dogs and county-fair chili I choke down on the campaign trail, I wanted something elegant, more my normal diet. Tomorrow, it's back to VFW pancakes."
The candidate reminded reporters that Mormons are forbidden from drinking alcohol and caffeine.
"Really limits the thrills at table," Romney said while staring out an airport window into the distance. "Heck."
"Mitt's a bit pouty about these things," explained Ann Romney. "He wants what he wants. He can only keep up that Regular Joe facade for so long. How many bowling-alley burgers can a man worth $250 million eat? Mitt's just not a Corn Nuts kinda guy."
Hearing the words "Corn Nuts", the candidate shuddered.
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