President Obama ran out of the White House today and tore into the nearest chili parlor.
"I refuse to eat one more thing from that goddamn garden Michelle's got," the President told fellow diners. "How many times does a grown man have to eat zucchini bread? Fuck that. I want meat and grease. Screw healthy, balanced, and that cookbook."
Obama rolled his eyes while mentioning the First Lady's best-selling cookbook, American Grown.
"She didn't even write it," Obama revealed. "My ghostwriter did."
"Try to find her within a thousand yards of a stove. Good luck."
After consuming two large chili dogs, large fries and a Mountain Dew, the President burped and lit up a Marlboro.
"Ahh," he sighed into the smoke. "The perfect meal."
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