President Barack Obama and GOP rival Mitt Romney announced a mud-wrestling contest between their children which will decide the 2012 election. Both candidates are tired of constant campaigning and non-stop fund-raising.
Obama's daughters Malia and Sasha will battle Romney's sons Tagg and Matt in a mud-wrestling bout on the White House lawn. Don King is promoting the fight. HBO will air the match live.
"I'm fed up with the constant traveling, visiting every bumburg and pretending I enjoy it," said Obama. "Mitt feels the same way, so we said 'screw it.' Let the youngsters duke it out. Winner take all. I'm coasting this summer. No more campaigning, no fund-raising. You have no idea what a pest George Clooney is."
"Replacing the electoral process with mud-wrestling makes perfect sense to me," offered Romney. "We waste so much time and money then bore the shit out of people. Cut to the chase. Give voters off on Election Day."
The Obama girls are training with their mother Michelle, an experienced mud-wrestler.
"I spent a few summers on the circuit while going to Harvard Law School," the First Lady revealed. "My handle was the South Side Slammer. I kicked some serious ass. So will my girls."
The Romneys have a clear height and weight advantage. Tagg and Matt are almost forty. Malia is thirteen. Sasha Obama is eleven.
"The Romneys are a lot bigger but so was Goliath," the First Lady added. "I'm teaching the girls my winning moves."
"I'm thrilled to promote my first mud-wrestling match, one that's headed for the history books," commented Don King. "It's my patriotic duty. God bless America."
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