Aaron (Windbag) Sorkin, the suddenly-blond Oscar winner, will pick the next President. The announcement was made today by Aaron Sorkin.
"Don't worry about who to vote for. I'll take care of it," said Sorkin. "Who better than Mr. West Wing? I'm tired of amateurs and slobs making these important choices. I'm cancelling both conventions, all the TV ads, sending everybody home. I've got calls in to Barack and Mitt, telling them we need to huddle pronto and to explain why I should pick one over the other. Bring your A-game, guys."
The nation was heard to breathe a collective sigh of relief. They thanked Mr. Sorkin while still refusing to watch his show, The Newsroom.
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