Cry-baby Obama Re-Elected; Romney Still Rich $*$*$

His time of the month?



America's first mulatto President got re-elected, convincing millions they still live in a democracy.  Obama read his victory speech off a teleprompter while Michelle booked her next vacation using Air Force One.  Obama's daughters were used, as always, as props to boost their parents' careers.

After voting, Americans immediately returned to watching "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo," overeating, looking for a job, and thinking about sex.

Mitt in happier times

Mitt Romney faces a bleak future of unemployment cushioned only by a net worth of $250 million.  Sources predict he will shuttle aimlessly between his $8 million New Hampshire home and his $12 million California home.

"My husband's in his sixties," sighed a shattered Ann Romney, fighting back tears.  "Where is he going to find work in this economy?"

Mrs. Romney then hugged her dressage horse but none of her twenty grandchildren whom she despises.

Mr. Romney is expected to continue coloring his gray hair.  He heads for Hollywood next week to auditions as a game show host or weatherman.

"It's okay," noted Romney.  "I got wads of fuck-you money while Big Ears has an economy down the shitter and four thankless years as a lame duck.  Who's better off?"