Michelle Admits: "No White Friends, Thank God!"

First Lady Michelle Obama revealed today that she has no white friends and doesn't want any.

"What do I want with white people unless it's a fundraiser or photo op?" said Mrs. Obama at a morning press conference.  "They get on my nerves, and if they ain't writin' a check or re-electing my husband, hell with them.  They cozy up to me, but I can see through their bullshit.  Name-dropping crackers.  They wouldn't even talk to a black person unless she lived in the White House."

"Other day, this white bitch asks if my daughters are learning African dance.  Believe that shit?  I'm grooming my girls to be debutantes, not gyrating jigaboos.  All my girlfriends are black as a coal mine.  The men, too.  Barack's the whitest person in my life."

The First Lady made her comments in between posing with invited donors, all of whom are white.  When they departed, Mrs. Obama ordered that the windows be opened.

"There's some white stink in here," she said, rolling her eyes.  "White wine, yes.  White friends, no."